groupiedrifter | Inbox for ximilia.

Of course I did.

[Daisy watches his face, smiling when he lights up over the CDs. Hopefully that means he actually likes them.]

Yeah, figured you might be into these. You like them?

Are you kidding? Who doesn't like the Foo Fighters?

[Newt totally does. Sure, they're not a punk group, but rock is rock, man.]

And The Misfits is a must. Lots of musicians have mixed feelings about them, especially depending on which lead singer they've got going on - but they're a ton of fun. You ever listen to 'em?

[He seems to shift away from general exhaustion in the moment. So consider this a mission accomplished, Daisy!]

[It's much easier to push past that overwhelming feeling of depression and guilt at seeing Newt so happy. After everything that happened with him a few months back, she's just relieved to see him doing better.]

I don't think I have, no. You want to pop their CD in?

[Daisy asks, reaching for another chocolate.]

[Oh, he's happy! He's happy and doing better, and there's nothing to worry about.

It's been easier. No more headaches, no more nosebleeds. He's been great. (Just confused sometimes, but sometimes medication does that, sometimes it makes you a little scatter-brained, that's all.) Smiling, he takes the CD in hand from its case.]

If you'd like, yeah! I bet I could still match some of these guitar riffs...

[He starts up The Misfits, just for you. good, dramatic stuff! The kind of thing you wanna hear at Halloween, when you're just vibing in your quarters.]

They have such a cool look, too; definitely not any kind I could pull off.

Not unless I start beefing up.

Edited 2022-02-18 20:12 (UTC)

[It's not the usual type of music Daisy listens to, but it's not bad. Watching his excited expressions as he talks just makes her smile even more.]

What are you talking about? You could easily pull off that kind of look.

[This is a nice distraction from her not so great thoughts after the mission.]

I'd help you with the skull makeup.

Only if you put on some skull make-up, too.

[He laughs, nudging her with a hand.]

Oh! Maybe that can be our next Halloween look! We'll be misfits.

[But after a brief lull of comfortable quiet, he seems to hesitate, and then offers:]

How're you doing, by the way?

Honest answers only.

[Rocking slightly to the side at his shove, Daisy laughs.]

Maybe.

[No promises. Her smile fades just slightly when she thinks about spending another year here. The longer she's here, the more she's grown to care about some of the others on the station. Newt being one of them.

They won't remember any of this, will they?

Eyebrows lifting when he asks for an honest answer, Daisy smiles tiredly at him.]

No broken bones, so...

{That's not really an answer to his question.]

Thanks to the gauntlets you made.

[He rubs the back of his neck, cracking a pleased smile.]

Hey, anytime. You know I can always use new projects to keep me from getting bored! [Which is to say: he's really, really happy to help. The thought is a sobering one, really, as he drops his hand to his side.] Really, though. Thanks. For the CDs, but I mean... also for that. Giving me a person I can help. That was kind of my job back home, finding ways to help arm my team.

Some days it felt like a lot of what I made didn't do much. Sometimes it feels like that here, too... But I'm glad it's doing something for you.

[Brows knitting together, Daisy listens to him and can't help but feel for him.]

Hey--

[Daisy reaches out to wrap an arm around him in an attempt to give him a sideways hug.]

You do a lot for us here. Not just me.

[Newt stiffens at the hug, almost like someone who never gets 'em. But he does — he gives them all the time, after all. After a moment, he slowly puts his arm around her, too. He doesn't really want to, but he does, because that's just who he is, right? (Then why does his skin crawl?)

He smiles up at her, sheepish.]

If I'd made things faster, made things better — maybe there'd be less people laid up in the infirmary. It sucks to see people like that. You're reminded you're not as awesome as you say you are.

[Daisy's about to pull away when he tenses up, but then he's wrapping his arm around her.]

You can't help everyone, Newt.

[She lives with that guilt constantly, and she's aware of how hypocritical it is for her to say that to him. But she says it anyway because it is true]

[His smile thins, looks more like a wince.]

But see, that's the thing. My job was to help everyone.

If I didn't do my job right, it could've cost us humanity. One wrong battle, one set of destroyed Jaegers, and everything would've been done. Now I'm here... and if I don't do what I do best the right way, I could lose any of you guys, too.

... It's hard not to stress about it.

A lot.

[Frown deepening, Daisy rubs his upper arm in an attempt to comfort him.]

I know.

[And she really does. To have that feeling of the weight of the world on your shoulders? It's something she's very familiar with.]

[He glances over to her, smiling more genuinely.]

Yeah, well.

... At least I've got some good new tunes to lead me into potential disaster.

[Daisy laughs at that, giving him one good squeeze before unwinding her arm from him.]

And chocolates, but you've already eaten most of them.

[Rubbing her hands against her legs, Daisy looks around his space. Realizing just how much he's added to make it his own. It's obvious he spends a lot of time in here.]

I'm sorry for not visiting you more.

Yyyeaaah... I sure did. I'm gonna have to do a lot of jogging this month...

[The desk is looking pretty put-together, all things considered. Not as messy as you'd think; everything has a place, carefully stacked and sorted and labelled. But the Newton touches are obvious - the doodles, the little sloppy papercrafts, the nail polish sitting right next to a stack of way-too-advanced formulas penciled in tighter handwriting than usual...

He looks distant, though, when she says that.]

Ah, well. We've all been busy. This mission stuff's been keeping us on our toes. Besides, you don't have to apologize; you're not, like, required to visit me, y'know.

[Frowning at the distant look on his face, Daisy presses her lips together as she nods. She doesn't feel any less guilty about it, especially when they haven't really talked about that whole situation. Except when she went to visit him in the infirmary, and even then she hadn't brought up what happened with Blue.

Brows knitting together when he says she's not required to visit him, like he's some kind of burden. In all honesty, she was scared. Between what happened with Blue and what Newt told her...

This wasn't something she knew how to deal with.]

I know. But I should have. I was--

[Daisy debates for a minute on whether to be completely honest with him. But seeing how it seemed to bother him when she brought up the fact that she hadn't really visited him anyway, she thinks better of it.]

Stuck in my own head.

[It's not a complete lie anyway.]

[Newt's expression shutters, and his hands clasp in his lap.]

It's fine, Daisy. Really. It's not like I had a medical emergency where I almost died, and you looked at me after the fact like I intentionally tried to poison someone's dinner.

[He turns away, looks down at the floor.

(That's because she doesn't really like you, Newton; she's placating, giving you gifts to survey your status; she wants to see if you're a threat yet; she's scared of you.)

He bites his cheek and fidgets uncomfortably for a moment before moving away from her, walking toward his desk.]

Listen, I appreciate the gifts, but if this is just your way of filling your visitation quota so you don't seem bothered by me, I don't need it. Okay? [He sits, starts skimming through packets of paper — studies and essays about the planets visited. His shoulders square.] I don't need anyone's visitation quota.

[Daisy opens her mouth to say something, anything. But it would just be a lie, and he's clearly seen past it so is there really any point in continuing to keep it up? She doesn't want to be afraid of him, or afraid for him. But ever since that incident it's been eating away at her, that she didn't know how to help him. That maybe it wasn't her place to get involved, but also resisting that urge to go behind Newt's back and tell Hermann.

Silent as he continues, Daisy looks to the floor as she bites the inside of her cheek. Debating whether to keep silent or finally acknowledge what she imagines to be true.]

Hermann still doesn't know, does he?

[She lifts her gaze to try and get a read on him. To see if he's going to lie to her or not.]

[Newt's gaze darkens, jaw twitching.

Ah, so that's how it all is.]

Hermann wants nothing to do with me. He's been avoiding me pretty much every chance he gets — so yeah, Daisy, he does know, he knows everything, because I told him when everyone said I should — and he's turned his back on me for all of it. So can you just do me a big favor and pull the band-aid off like him, instead of giving me cutesy gifts and pretending you give a shit about me?

[She's just pretending. She's watching you. Waiting to see if you're a liability. She's proven untrustworthy. He steps closer, his eyes shining wet now, body thrumming with energy as old, deep cuts reopen in his head. They dig their claws in further.]

I hurt one person on accident because he used his powers on me when I was unconscious on the floor, and you have the nerve to look at me like I'm a problem? You were a literal monster on Gyeongje, and I still stood by you, because you were just sick, and it was nothing you could control.

Should I be asking how many people you've hurt with your powers?

Would that be something a friend does?

[He pushes past her to leave, arms folded protectively over his chest, his steps urgent. Get away, his instinct says. Don't bother looking back. He knew she saw him different. He should've known the kindness was just a cover; shoulda coulda woulda. He needs to be more careful about people he lets into his life. Always just settles for whatever he can get, no matter how they look at him, huh?]

Edited 2022-03-13 21:50 (UTC)

[His words are like a slap in the face, and something she knows to be true about herself. The guilt she lives with every day being realized by someone else. And she lets him lash out with uttering a word, knowing she deserves it. Even as tears prick her eyes, she doesn't try to defend herself.

It's not until he leaves that she gets up from her seat, quick to wipe the tears rolling down her cheeks before she leaves. Daisy doesn't try to go after him, because there's nothing she could say.]

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